WHY CONSUMING SILVERWARE IS BAD.

 OKAY.
This is where I am right now:

That's where I am, so bear with me as I journey up the magical staircase into blogging fame. And I have the feeling it will be a rather lengthy journey.

So tell your friends about ScrambleThemEggs.
Anyway, on with my first story.
When I was a child, I was fairly curious.

But my curiosity never really extended beyond what I could fit in my mouth (which, in a future blog, will be seen as a life-saving quality)

                          Aren't I just a little bundle of pure, concentrated cute?
As soon as I started making sense of the world around me, (age: 2) I realized that I ate a lot of things and never got hurt!
I felt like I had some crazy superpower.

I'm going to stop you there and say I lost all that weight, and the need to put things in my mouth, when I was in second grade.

Anyway, superpower. I decided to step up my game in Kindergarden after my grandpa showed me a video of a circus man sliding swords down his throat.
This is how it played out in my mind, I think,

But what would I possibly need a knife in my butt for, you ask???
Well, I don't really know. But it sounded cool. Maybe, in my head, it played out like this:

I really, really have no clue.
......later I changed my before-night-night-time vigilante's name to "The Death Bee" and started working for the King of the US's Secret Service.
Anyway, so there I was, seeing my future as a superhero who could pull weapons out of his body, while my mom was asleep after a long day at work. The perfect opportunity!

But then, who should arrive but the very woman who was stopping by for dinner. And with that aside, she was a very responsible person who likes to crush her grandchildren's childhood ambitions.

The Devilwoman actually told my mother about me playing with a knife!
Not only did Mom stop trusting me, but I just earned myself no more playdates with friends FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!!
NOT FAIR AT ALL.
...also that's the day i became socially awkward.

Anyway, now I know that trying to swallow a knife is a bad idea.