Apparently Snow and Scooters Don't Mix (Scooter From Hell)

One of my most...memorable Christmases was the year I got a scooter. I remember getting up at a rather early time, unable to contain my anticipation for presents!

                     …to the displeasure of my parents. They sent me to bed, hoping to get a few more moments of peace...

 

and quiet...

But when they finally realized they weren’t going to rest, they finally got rounded us up into the living room and sat down to pass out the presents. Along with other stuff, my brother and I both got an extra-large present that year. My brother was going insane over the prospect of opening his first present, as I sat calmly in the back of the room, keeping my hype inside.

Then I finally heard the sacred words....

 

Being as in love with its cherry metal colored perfection as I was at such a tender age, you can almost understand what I did the next day. But now I'm getting ahead of myself!
Anyway, back on Christmas Day. It wasn't a particularly cold day, although there was some snow out on the streets. I begged and I pleaded and I grovelled with my parents, but they refused, because the ground was wet; I might get hurt!
So I waited for them to go take their Sunday nap - as is customary from 1pm to 5 pm in this household - and made to execute my plan.

All was going perfectly*! The snow's super-slipperiness was like the lubricant of the scooter gods! I was speeding along so fast, I couldn't have stopped even if I wanted to!**

*at first
**In retrospect, I should've seen that coming....

 

When the worst ever happened....

And in case you don't see any difference in these two pictures, I got some special software that identify dangerous objects. It's hard to see at first, but look for a red circle...

I remember the moment as if it had happened only a decade ago, and I had perfect memory back then:

As the front wheel smacked into the rock, my stomach lurched, and my feet stopped working.

I flipped over the handlebars, which I was gripping in sweat for dear life; smacked to the icy ground on my nose, sending blood onto pavement, snow, and skin. My scooter soared right over me from centrifugal force and into the street about 3 feet away.

 Yes, there was THAT much blood!

Unfortunately, a car was vrooming right past my driveway, and the rest is written down in a file somewhere.

 

I was freaking out as I lay there on the pavement. The scooter was ruined!! And on the day I got it, too! My parents would kill me! They would probably kill me every day for the rest of my life!! The car? That thing was a piece of junk! If you ask me, the scratch was an improvement. But the driver thought otherwise.

My parents initial impression was shock when they saw my dad's (ex-) boss at our porch, holding their son, whose face was covered in blood, by the ear...

And that's how I know you shouldn't ride scooters in snow.

Me likey-likey when you sharey-sharey!
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STE:)

The Single Greatest Post Ever.

Found an old picture I made a long while back, and wondered what sort of reception it would receive here. Please welcome, "Me At The Doctor's"*! (Remember, you can click to enlarge!)

*Name Subject To Change.

Also, I found this one whilst uploading the Doctor one. I know this is a little unannounced, I apologize.
"Criminally Insane"

Hmmm... let me see... any other funny random pictures from my past? ....

 

 

 

Yeah.... random.... I know.

This may be the single greatest post EVER.

shary-shary?

http://bit.ly/singlegreatest

WHY CONSUMING SILVERWARE IS BAD.

 OKAY.
This is where I am right now:

That's where I am, so bear with me as I journey up the magical staircase into blogging fame. And I have the feeling it will be a rather lengthy journey.

So tell your friends about ScrambleThemEggs.
Anyway, on with my first story.
When I was a child, I was fairly curious.

But my curiosity never really extended beyond what I could fit in my mouth (which, in a future blog, will be seen as a life-saving quality)

                          Aren't I just a little bundle of pure, concentrated cute?
As soon as I started making sense of the world around me, (age: 2) I realized that I ate a lot of things and never got hurt!
I felt like I had some crazy superpower.

I'm going to stop you there and say I lost all that weight, and the need to put things in my mouth, when I was in second grade.

Anyway, superpower. I decided to step up my game in Kindergarden after my grandpa showed me a video of a circus man sliding swords down his throat.
This is how it played out in my mind, I think,

But what would I possibly need a knife in my butt for, you ask???
Well, I don't really know. But it sounded cool. Maybe, in my head, it played out like this:

I really, really have no clue.
......later I changed my before-night-night-time vigilante's name to "The Death Bee" and started working for the King of the US's Secret Service.
Anyway, so there I was, seeing my future as a superhero who could pull weapons out of his body, while my mom was asleep after a long day at work. The perfect opportunity!

But then, who should arrive but the very woman who was stopping by for dinner. And with that aside, she was a very responsible person who likes to crush her grandchildren's childhood ambitions.

The Devilwoman actually told my mother about me playing with a knife!
Not only did Mom stop trusting me, but I just earned myself no more playdates with friends FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!!
NOT FAIR AT ALL.
...also that's the day i became socially awkward.

Anyway, now I know that trying to swallow a knife is a bad idea.