Sleepwalking: Most Definately Lethal.

As a child, one of my favorite lunches was spagghettios with sliced franks. I was a bring-your-own-lunch kid until Mom got a job as the person who places orders for the school corporation. I had a lame paper sack with a smiley face and my name scrawled onto the side. Inside there would be chips, a sunny delight, a cookie/little debbie, and a thermos-bowl of spagghettios.

As you can tell I will ramble a lot in my blog, so I can say funny things and also make each post longer.
Anyway, spaghettios.
It was my favorite lunch food. One night I had gotten sick after leaving my window open all night (another story) and had to stay home from school for a few days.
When I'm sick, I usually don't eat much at all. Even as I'm typing this, I've been sick since Friday and I haven't eaten dinner, my breakfast has been a granola bar, and my lunch, also a granola bar. But when I was little, my stomach decided that my brain was stupid for doing that sort of thing and took over for the night.

 Seriously....

 

And so she made me spagghettios, before coming to the realization that I was sleepwalking. She must've remembered that I had refused to eat much all day, or she probably would've sent me off to bed immediately.

Later that night....

 

"Go back to bed."

"Hughgehefggsfhdns!!!"

....and that's the day I found out what the inside of my stomach smelled like.

  

A trip to the doctor's office the next day confirmed that I had a stomach virus-I should have eaten as little as possible. Anyway, don't ever try to open ANYTHING with a butcher knife in the dark while asleep, kids.

Preview of next week's blog:

WHY CONSUMING SILVERWARE IS BAD.

 OKAY.
This is where I am right now:

That's where I am, so bear with me as I journey up the magical staircase into blogging fame. And I have the feeling it will be a rather lengthy journey.

So tell your friends about ScrambleThemEggs.
Anyway, on with my first story.
When I was a child, I was fairly curious.

But my curiosity never really extended beyond what I could fit in my mouth (which, in a future blog, will be seen as a life-saving quality)

                          Aren't I just a little bundle of pure, concentrated cute?
As soon as I started making sense of the world around me, (age: 2) I realized that I ate a lot of things and never got hurt!
I felt like I had some crazy superpower.

I'm going to stop you there and say I lost all that weight, and the need to put things in my mouth, when I was in second grade.

Anyway, superpower. I decided to step up my game in Kindergarden after my grandpa showed me a video of a circus man sliding swords down his throat.
This is how it played out in my mind, I think,

But what would I possibly need a knife in my butt for, you ask???
Well, I don't really know. But it sounded cool. Maybe, in my head, it played out like this:

I really, really have no clue.
......later I changed my before-night-night-time vigilante's name to "The Death Bee" and started working for the King of the US's Secret Service.
Anyway, so there I was, seeing my future as a superhero who could pull weapons out of his body, while my mom was asleep after a long day at work. The perfect opportunity!

But then, who should arrive but the very woman who was stopping by for dinner. And with that aside, she was a very responsible person who likes to crush her grandchildren's childhood ambitions.

The Devilwoman actually told my mother about me playing with a knife!
Not only did Mom stop trusting me, but I just earned myself no more playdates with friends FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!!!!
NOT FAIR AT ALL.
...also that's the day i became socially awkward.

Anyway, now I know that trying to swallow a knife is a bad idea.